For too long, sport in Australia has been dogged by prominent rusty crutches. This is the first in a series of investigative exposes into prominent Australian sporting rangas and their effect on those day-walkers around them. Some will say that these posts are prejudiced. I call those people naive.
Name: Matthew Bate
Club/Sport: Melbourne Football Club / AFL
Red Head Rating (RHR): 9 - Matthew is almost a pure red head. Even on an overcast MCG day, you can literally see smoke rising from his oh so lilly-white skin. I have delibverately avoided watching Melbourne play day games because, well they're shite, but also I can't stand the thought of him bursting into flames in the middle of the MCG while he chases the shade of the GreatSouthern Stand.
Playing characteristics: Matthew usually lurks in the shadow of those ruckmen around him. Begrudgingly I will admit he is a courageous player, but he has nothing to lose. He cannot die.
Unluckiness Factor: (Note - Unluckiness Factor is to test the theory that Gingers are bad luck to all those around them) - High. Melbourne are shite. They look like being shite for the forseeable future. I lay the blame soley at Matthew's feet, although Stephen O'Dwyer has to carry some of the blame...and you just know the Jimmy Styne's collars don't match his cuffs.
Comment: Matthew is almost your stereotypical ranga. He is bad luck, casts little to no shadow and would appear to have no soul (perhaps a fair description of his club). He is the most prominent fanta pants in the AFL, with the possible exception of Cameron Ling, and I can personally attest that people snicker at him whenever he gets near the ball.
Summary: Burn him at the stake after stuffing his mouth with garlic and piercing his heart with a silver infused wooden stake.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
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1 comment:
I can't believe you didn't make something of the fact that his name is Matthew Bate! Does he play a lone hand up front? Is he prepared to go in solo when necessary? Is he prepared to get both hands on the pill and go like the clappers? Easily footy's most double-entendric name since Essendon's Willie Dick back in 1992 (the first tautology to play in the AFL).
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