For the first time since choosing the large O Porto meal instead of the regular at lunchtime today, The Balls are wrong.
The Saviour Of The World has convinced the selectors that Krejzy Eyes is actually a genuinely rubbish excuse for a cricketer and that they should give him another go.
And for some bizarre reason, the listened to him.
Being wrong never felt so right!!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Krejzy eyes. One look at you and I cant disguise, Ive got...Krejzy eyes
Well, it looks like the saviour of the world is going to have to spend time working on his cordial mixing ability.
There were inklings last week, murmurings over the weekend and rumblings over the past few days - Krejzy Eyes is going to make his Test debut.
Yes, the Australian selectors have decided to go with a spinner that not only threatens to spin a ball, but actually acts upon that threat.
There were inklings last week, murmurings over the weekend and rumblings over the past few days - Krejzy Eyes is going to make his Test debut.
Yes, the Australian selectors have decided to go with a spinner that not only threatens to spin a ball, but actually acts upon that threat.
I will follow him...
You know, it's always nice to learn some new things.
Whilst we always knew that Bangladesh always follow up a good Test match with a shocker and that Daniel Vettori is the best finger spinner in the world, there is one thing that the latest NZ v Banga Test has taught The Balls.
The follow-on in a Test match is not set at 200 runs behind.
It actually can change depnding on when the first ball of the Test match is bowled.
We all know that "In a match of five days or more, a side which bats first and leads by at least 200 runs has the option of requiring the other side to follow-on."
However, if there's no play on the first day is and Day 2 is when it officially starts, then the follow on is 150 runs behind. Same for if Day 1 and 2 are unplayable and Day 3 is when the first ball is officially bowled.
Now, here's the relevant bit to this current Test match - one which had the first 3 days washed out
In a "two day match", the follow on is only 100 behind.
So when The Balls own Jesse Ryder commented on NZ being a chance to win if they could enforce the follow on, he wasn't suggesting they'd bowl the Banga's out for 61.
Although, knowing Jesse had been on the sauce since he dismissed himself for 91 - he probably wasn't aware of this nuance to the follow on rule and was just speaking his mind on how rubbish he thought the Bangas were.
Whilst we always knew that Bangladesh always follow up a good Test match with a shocker and that Daniel Vettori is the best finger spinner in the world, there is one thing that the latest NZ v Banga Test has taught The Balls.
The follow-on in a Test match is not set at 200 runs behind.
It actually can change depnding on when the first ball of the Test match is bowled.
We all know that "In a match of five days or more, a side which bats first and leads by at least 200 runs has the option of requiring the other side to follow-on."
However, if there's no play on the first day is and Day 2 is when it officially starts, then the follow on is 150 runs behind. Same for if Day 1 and 2 are unplayable and Day 3 is when the first ball is officially bowled.
Now, here's the relevant bit to this current Test match - one which had the first 3 days washed out
In a "two day match", the follow on is only 100 behind.
So when The Balls own Jesse Ryder commented on NZ being a chance to win if they could enforce the follow on, he wasn't suggesting they'd bowl the Banga's out for 61.
Although, knowing Jesse had been on the sauce since he dismissed himself for 91 - he probably wasn't aware of this nuance to the follow on rule and was just speaking his mind on how rubbish he thought the Bangas were.
Paint It Black
Black isn't a color
Black isn't a shade.
Black is a state of mind. It is a mood, a sense and feel. When life isn't fair. When the world is shit and even red heads laugh at you. This is when a dark mood becomes black.
The Balls are black. No, it isn't syphillis (that is clearing up nicely by the way). Jesse Ryder, the Balls' own Jesse Ryder, has just been caught on 91, cruelly robbing him of his first test century.
Now the balls doesn't like to exaggerate, but this is perhaps the greatest injustice to human kind since Joespeh Stalin thought that it might be dandy to send his farmers north.
The Balls has lived through the pain of McCullum getting 90s. It has been heartbroken by Fleming not converting 50s. It has even been unable to forget Martin Crowe getting run-out on 299 (why Martin, WHY!).
The Balls don't blame the Banglis (although Vettori getting 3-0 does make me smile).
The Balls don't even feel to sorry for Jesse (he'll be drunk by now).
It's the people of New Zealand and all lovers of fat crickets who we weep for. They have seen a hero denied.
Black is our soul...black our hearts. Jesse, bring back the light.
Black isn't a shade.
Black is a state of mind. It is a mood, a sense and feel. When life isn't fair. When the world is shit and even red heads laugh at you. This is when a dark mood becomes black.
The Balls are black. No, it isn't syphillis (that is clearing up nicely by the way). Jesse Ryder, the Balls' own Jesse Ryder, has just been caught on 91, cruelly robbing him of his first test century.
Now the balls doesn't like to exaggerate, but this is perhaps the greatest injustice to human kind since Joespeh Stalin thought that it might be dandy to send his farmers north.
The Balls has lived through the pain of McCullum getting 90s. It has been heartbroken by Fleming not converting 50s. It has even been unable to forget Martin Crowe getting run-out on 299 (why Martin, WHY!).
The Balls don't blame the Banglis (although Vettori getting 3-0 does make me smile).
The Balls don't even feel to sorry for Jesse (he'll be drunk by now).
It's the people of New Zealand and all lovers of fat crickets who we weep for. They have seen a hero denied.
Black is our soul...black our hearts. Jesse, bring back the light.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Another one bites the dust
Another Australian coach bites the dust, with Henry Lawson being told his services aren't required at the end of his current contract. Is his departure a sign that 'western' coaches struggle with South Asian signs, or more an indication that the Pakistan cricket infrastructure is not conjusive to long-term coaching aspirations. Probably both, yet neither (how Zen!)
Lawson is a good cricketing brain, but who knows what kind of people manager he is. And Pakistan is perhaps the most difficult cricket culture for an outsider to penetrate and dominate.
Coaches (of all background and style) come and go rapidly. Personal cricket grudges often translate into cricket-related law suits. Pakistani cricket infrastructure is not what it could be (understandable in the context of the groaning problems Pakistan otherwise faces). Pakistani cricket can veer between sublime and comical often several times an over (a significant issue for outsiders used to dull consistency). But there is also a declining love of test cricket - perhaps best exemplified by the abysmal attendances at the 2003-04 series against India.
An outsider also has a number of other issues to overcome. There is the minefield of cultural and religious sensitivities - likely to be a problem for an outspoken person like Lawson, who is more in tune to the 'call a spade a spade' atmosphere in Australia (where he also often raises hackles). Added to this are the personal and political issues which exist and thrive in every national sports beauracracy. How can an outsider know that there is an unspoken feud between player X and official Y? It was interesting to see Mohsin Khan (not exactly a giant of international cricket) undertake a rather vindictive attack on Lawson (and a particularly cruel reference to Swing King Terry).
What are the Balls trying to say? Well, we guess this will lead to a round of criticisms that 'western' coaches can't coach 'South Asia' sides. We think that is bollocks. Coaching is a difficult job, and in some places it is much more so. Often coaches are seen to be heralding in a new approach, a new era, and new level of success. If this happens, they are feted (Dav Whatmore, Duncan Fletcher, Bob Simpson, Dev), if they initially fail they are convenient scapegoats (Chappell, Miandad, Dev...again).
Coaches can coach anywhere. They just need two things, the ability to unify their team and a successful record (both of which are obviously not mutually exclusive). Interestingly, coaches in Australia and New Zealand are seen largely as bit players who are largely ignored in periods of success or failure (with the focus being on the senior players). Although, captains are also long retained assets. We seem to yearn for stability.
Anyhoo, just found it interesting because the Balls had thought that Henry would do ok (and had been a very firm advocate for Pakistan in Australia). We'd be interested in seeing why he was released? And others views on the difficulties of coaching in Asia (or perhaps 'western' difficulties in succeeding)?
Lawson is a good cricketing brain, but who knows what kind of people manager he is. And Pakistan is perhaps the most difficult cricket culture for an outsider to penetrate and dominate.
Coaches (of all background and style) come and go rapidly. Personal cricket grudges often translate into cricket-related law suits. Pakistani cricket infrastructure is not what it could be (understandable in the context of the groaning problems Pakistan otherwise faces). Pakistani cricket can veer between sublime and comical often several times an over (a significant issue for outsiders used to dull consistency). But there is also a declining love of test cricket - perhaps best exemplified by the abysmal attendances at the 2003-04 series against India.
An outsider also has a number of other issues to overcome. There is the minefield of cultural and religious sensitivities - likely to be a problem for an outspoken person like Lawson, who is more in tune to the 'call a spade a spade' atmosphere in Australia (where he also often raises hackles). Added to this are the personal and political issues which exist and thrive in every national sports beauracracy. How can an outsider know that there is an unspoken feud between player X and official Y? It was interesting to see Mohsin Khan (not exactly a giant of international cricket) undertake a rather vindictive attack on Lawson (and a particularly cruel reference to Swing King Terry).
What are the Balls trying to say? Well, we guess this will lead to a round of criticisms that 'western' coaches can't coach 'South Asia' sides. We think that is bollocks. Coaching is a difficult job, and in some places it is much more so. Often coaches are seen to be heralding in a new approach, a new era, and new level of success. If this happens, they are feted (Dav Whatmore, Duncan Fletcher, Bob Simpson, Dev), if they initially fail they are convenient scapegoats (Chappell, Miandad, Dev...again).
Coaches can coach anywhere. They just need two things, the ability to unify their team and a successful record (both of which are obviously not mutually exclusive). Interestingly, coaches in Australia and New Zealand are seen largely as bit players who are largely ignored in periods of success or failure (with the focus being on the senior players). Although, captains are also long retained assets. We seem to yearn for stability.
Anyhoo, just found it interesting because the Balls had thought that Henry would do ok (and had been a very firm advocate for Pakistan in Australia). We'd be interested in seeing why he was released? And others views on the difficulties of coaching in Asia (or perhaps 'western' difficulties in succeeding)?
What's going on? What's going on
OK, there is still the prospect of the match being saved (though not won), but we are 3 1/2 innings into the match, so here is a couple of quick points on how things have gone.
1) India have been better. They have not been lucky. They are not winning because of bad umpiring (Ganguly's stumping was pretty awful, but so have been others for Australia). India has bowled better. India have batted better. India have fielded (although not better). They have been better. This cannot, and indeed should not, be disputed. Indian fans, be proud of your side. They have steel and they are playing brilliantly.
2) The world will not collapse. This is one test match. Australia are likely to lose this, and will do very well to save the series. But this is a long summer, and it will help to forge a few new Australian players into the test side. Let's not forget that a few of these players are a bit green from a lack of playing recently (Clarke has looked it). Australia have been top of the perch since 1995, they will stay there for a little bit yet (India needs to improve their away record). This will give a bit more spice to the Sth Africa and NZ tours.
3) Australia's uber aggressive start was actually smart. It put the India on the backfoot, and if they have gotten through tea and perhaps been 0/100 half an hour into the next session, things would have been interesting. A win was not really an option, but the start had already started to push the field back. Unfortunately Flea and Brazen played bad shots.
4) Watson has shown a bit (although I'd like him to bowl better). Tuckerbox has done ok (but I still think Ronchi is an option). Rednose day is raw.
5) How good is cricket! India are playing beautifully and Australia seems down...almost an inverse of 2001...here's hoping this series has another twist!
1) India have been better. They have not been lucky. They are not winning because of bad umpiring (Ganguly's stumping was pretty awful, but so have been others for Australia). India has bowled better. India have batted better. India have fielded (although not better). They have been better. This cannot, and indeed should not, be disputed. Indian fans, be proud of your side. They have steel and they are playing brilliantly.
2) The world will not collapse. This is one test match. Australia are likely to lose this, and will do very well to save the series. But this is a long summer, and it will help to forge a few new Australian players into the test side. Let's not forget that a few of these players are a bit green from a lack of playing recently (Clarke has looked it). Australia have been top of the perch since 1995, they will stay there for a little bit yet (India needs to improve their away record). This will give a bit more spice to the Sth Africa and NZ tours.
3) Australia's uber aggressive start was actually smart. It put the India on the backfoot, and if they have gotten through tea and perhaps been 0/100 half an hour into the next session, things would have been interesting. A win was not really an option, but the start had already started to push the field back. Unfortunately Flea and Brazen played bad shots.
4) Watson has shown a bit (although I'd like him to bowl better). Tuckerbox has done ok (but I still think Ronchi is an option). Rednose day is raw.
5) How good is cricket! India are playing beautifully and Australia seems down...almost an inverse of 2001...here's hoping this series has another twist!
Singh, Singh, Singh, SIngh
Oh dear. After being 0/49 off 7 overs, the Aussies are now 2/50 off 8.
Haydos getting given out LBW to one which probably hit him juuuuust in line.
Then Flea decided to have a slog. Well, a Flea Slog. It sliced to Tendulkar at point who dived forward and took the catch.
Oops.
So, whip crack away, whip crack away, whip crack awaaaaay
Matthew Hayden is going mental.
Not like Jen Bruce or Crazy John - genuinely mental.
He's hit about a thousand fours, even trying to smash the first ball of the innings out of the park. It landed 20 metres in from the boundary and plugged like a good 9 iron, but the intention was clear.
He's currentl sitting on 29 not out off 18 balls.
Even Flea is going at about 75 - the TV is showing me ad's at the moment of some bloke that can't spell so I don't know what the score is
The road is long
As INdia have declared. Now, I was OK with them batting for an hour. But to take drinks and then bat for one over after drinks (scoring only 6 runs) before declaring - that smacks of Ganguly's influence.
516 to win in 4 sessions and 45 minutes.
I would walk 500 miles...
And apparently they're going to walk some more.
A 6 just put India 505 runs n front.
And all the TV can do is show Gary Kirsten not talking to anyone, not saying anything, probably wondering why Peter didn't make more Test runs.
Oh look - Brett Lee's bowling rubbish again.
You just keep me hanging on
India continue to bat. They have a lead of 491 with Dhoni and The Princess at the crease.
Well, The Princess is now out - skying one off Brett Lee who has been pissed off after not being bowled properly in the first session. By properly, we mean as much as he wanted to. Cos he's Brett and he thinks he's awesome.
Sachin has just come out and got some advice from Gary Kirsten on his way out. I suspect it was something like - "Hey Sachin, you know how you're awesome at batting? Yeah, continue that awesomeness"
Bangladesh - just a...slice of heaven
It's a funny feeling to find yourself supporting a side against your own. But this is the situation i find myself in. My heart is all black, but i really, really want to see Bangladesh beat NZ.
Why? Because it would make over 100 million people happy. Because it is a better thing for the game of cricket. Because the Banglis have shown determination all game. Because NZ sports fans are already largely immune to pain.
It will give the Banglis much needed confidence. It will give them positive attention. So go you little Bangers...GO!!!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I Still Call Australia GONE
Well, it's lunch on Day 4 of the Second test and with wickets to The Great One and The Saviour Of The World, India are 2/230.
Really, they're 2/431 after The Milky Bar Kid and Brazen were the only batsemn to show any stones (with some handy assistance by the Blonde haired bouncer machine) in Australia's first innings.
Dhoni has promoted himself ahead of Sir Blockalot, and with The Prince at his side will ensure an entertaining hour after lunch as the Indian's will go spanky, spanky and have an hour at the Aussies with a lead of 500.
The Milky Bar Kid reckons we can win.
I reckon the Milky Bar Kid was delirious from spending that much time in the middle.
Really, they're 2/431 after The Milky Bar Kid and Brazen were the only batsemn to show any stones (with some handy assistance by the Blonde haired bouncer machine) in Australia's first innings.
Dhoni has promoted himself ahead of Sir Blockalot, and with The Prince at his side will ensure an entertaining hour after lunch as the Indian's will go spanky, spanky and have an hour at the Aussies with a lead of 500.
The Milky Bar Kid reckons we can win.
I reckon the Milky Bar Kid was delirious from spending that much time in the middle.
Bang, bang, bang on the door baby
Bangladesh have given themselves their best chance at defeating a real cricketing nation in a Test match with a patient batting dosplay and awesome bowling from some bloke who no doubt is a spinner.
7/36 and 71 in the second innings from Shakib Al Hasan is a pretty good game - but it will all be for nothng ig the Tigers don't get up.
Daniel Vettori, meanwhile, continues to show the world that he basically IS New Zealand cricket with 5/59, 55* and 4/74.
Man Of The Match will be pretty easy to pick - just got to see which side wins and choose one of the blokes above
So, New Zealand are chasing 317 for the win - and if they do it will be only the second time they've ever chased a target above 300 (the other being v Pakistan at Christchurch in 1994, chasing 324).
And, in the absence of MC Gregor's Kiwi bias - The Balls so want The Mighty Tigers to come up trumps.
Come on you Jamie Siddons led champions!!
7/36 and 71 in the second innings from Shakib Al Hasan is a pretty good game - but it will all be for nothng ig the Tigers don't get up.
Daniel Vettori, meanwhile, continues to show the world that he basically IS New Zealand cricket with 5/59, 55* and 4/74.
Man Of The Match will be pretty easy to pick - just got to see which side wins and choose one of the blokes above
So, New Zealand are chasing 317 for the win - and if they do it will be only the second time they've ever chased a target above 300 (the other being v Pakistan at Christchurch in 1994, chasing 324).
And, in the absence of MC Gregor's Kiwi bias - The Balls so want The Mighty Tigers to come up trumps.
Come on you Jamie Siddons led champions!!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Woh oh, the Vics are getting bigger
Disco Stu Mk II is out
Pete "Red Nose Day" Siddle is in
It's a very good day for Victoria.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
WA WA Nee
MC Gregor's own WA are off to handy little start in the shield.
Up against a team of 11 future Australian players, WA won the toss and managed to handily win the first innings (despite a brutal batting display by Bracken and some frustrating innings from the WA bats). More importantly, WA overcame their fear of gingas and overcame a Thornley-led comeback in the second innings to dismiss the future test XI for 310. leaving just a tick over 220 to get.
At 0/50 at stumps on day 3, it looked a formality. And yet the final day featured a number of outrageous surprises. Firstly, WA DIDN'T collapse! But not only that, they scored at a brisk rate and their best two young bats LIVED UP TO EXPECTATIONS. And in the biggest surprise of all, WA won with a leg in the air.
Bunch of Poms scored at a run a ball to reach a brutal 70-odd, while His Seanness was the picture of control, moving to a regal 70-odd not out. Here's hoping the don't go out to drink to their success!
However, the story of the match was not the batting. The story was Magoffin (or McMuffin as The Balls prefer to call him). This young man has been WA's most consistant bowler for the last several seasons, and this game may well be his turning point. With match figures of 10/102 (including a satanic 6/66 in the second innings), McMuffin has finally put his name first and foremost in the minds of Australian selectors and other second-rate sports 'experts'.
He is a bowling metronome, and does a fair bit with the pill. He also has had a bit of success with Worcester and has put the fear of gold into the Sri Lankans after taking 4/14 against them in the last Northern season. Start talking about him now. Drop him into conversation, and make yourself look smarter. The Balls likes him.
Up against a team of 11 future Australian players, WA won the toss and managed to handily win the first innings (despite a brutal batting display by Bracken and some frustrating innings from the WA bats). More importantly, WA overcame their fear of gingas and overcame a Thornley-led comeback in the second innings to dismiss the future test XI for 310. leaving just a tick over 220 to get.
At 0/50 at stumps on day 3, it looked a formality. And yet the final day featured a number of outrageous surprises. Firstly, WA DIDN'T collapse! But not only that, they scored at a brisk rate and their best two young bats LIVED UP TO EXPECTATIONS. And in the biggest surprise of all, WA won with a leg in the air.
Bunch of Poms scored at a run a ball to reach a brutal 70-odd, while His Seanness was the picture of control, moving to a regal 70-odd not out. Here's hoping the don't go out to drink to their success!
However, the story of the match was not the batting. The story was Magoffin (or McMuffin as The Balls prefer to call him). This young man has been WA's most consistant bowler for the last several seasons, and this game may well be his turning point. With match figures of 10/102 (including a satanic 6/66 in the second innings), McMuffin has finally put his name first and foremost in the minds of Australian selectors and other second-rate sports 'experts'.
He is a bowling metronome, and does a fair bit with the pill. He also has had a bit of success with Worcester and has put the fear of gold into the Sri Lankans after taking 4/14 against them in the last Northern season. Start talking about him now. Drop him into conversation, and make yourself look smarter. The Balls likes him.
Huss lifts us up where we belong
The big dog has recovered his spot. Huss is back to number one in the ICC batting charts. But he had to fight of a number of other contestants for the big dog prize.
Shiv, a terrier, just kept biting and biting. Huss ripped out his jugular...but like in all good horror films, you just know he isn't dead.
Sangga, like a majestical hunting hound, looked magnificent, but lacked the conditioning for the fight.
While Bourbon and Beefsteak, like all mongrels, flew between brilliance and unrepentant anger. He even bit at the groin...but Brazen won out. And the world seems a better place.
Meanwhile, the Consultant sits pretty in second in the bowling stakes. It'll be interesting to see how his elbow comes up and whether he'll play. If not, would the selectors go with Siddle or Passion Pop? Maybe they could display some cruets and fly Maggofin over? The world awaits...
Shiv, a terrier, just kept biting and biting. Huss ripped out his jugular...but like in all good horror films, you just know he isn't dead.
Sangga, like a majestical hunting hound, looked magnificent, but lacked the conditioning for the fight.
While Bourbon and Beefsteak, like all mongrels, flew between brilliance and unrepentant anger. He even bit at the groin...but Brazen won out. And the world seems a better place.
Meanwhile, the Consultant sits pretty in second in the bowling stakes. It'll be interesting to see how his elbow comes up and whether he'll play. If not, would the selectors go with Siddle or Passion Pop? Maybe they could display some cruets and fly Maggofin over? The world awaits...
TJ's son and Norm Smith ton up on Day 1
Well, the good guys have finished Day 1 of their Sheffield Sheild match against Bogan-town in a ridiculously commanding position - 2/352.
164 to Tony Jewell's son and 100* to Brad "Norm Smith" Hodge were the highlights after Victoria's own Chris Rogers started his season with 63.
Ominously, Shameless Hussey is 8* overnight, those runs being scored through 2 boundaries.
Play on Day 2 is about to kick off and The Balls would like to pay resepct to one of Bogan-town's finest hurlers of the rock, Paul Rofe, who became the 9th player to take 200 Sheild wickets for SA. Now, piss off and let the Vics build a massive score
164 to Tony Jewell's son and 100* to Brad "Norm Smith" Hodge were the highlights after Victoria's own Chris Rogers started his season with 63.
Ominously, Shameless Hussey is 8* overnight, those runs being scored through 2 boundaries.
Play on Day 2 is about to kick off and The Balls would like to pay resepct to one of Bogan-town's finest hurlers of the rock, Paul Rofe, who became the 9th player to take 200 Sheild wickets for SA. Now, piss off and let the Vics build a massive score
Monday, October 13, 2008
Victoria's own Chris Rogers
That beautiful and deeply patriotic Victorian Chris Rogers has kicked off his 2008/09 Sheffield Shield season with a half century against South Australia.
With the Vics boasting the best batting line up ever witnessed anywhere in world cricket, True Blue Chris and Tony Jewell's son have pushed along to 0/95 after the first over of the second session.
With Brad "Norm Smith" Hodge and David "Shameless" Hussey next in, it looks as though the Vics will score close to 1,200 and pick up 6 points before tea on Day 2.
With the Vics boasting the best batting line up ever witnessed anywhere in world cricket, True Blue Chris and Tony Jewell's son have pushed along to 0/95 after the first over of the second session.
With Brad "Norm Smith" Hodge and David "Shameless" Hussey next in, it looks as though the Vics will score close to 1,200 and pick up 6 points before tea on Day 2.
Cameron White breaks India's heart
Let's all take a moment to marvel at the beauty that was Cameron White's first ever Test match wicket.
Sachin Tendulkar
On 49
15 runs shy of breaking Brian Lara's run-scorign record
Now, I have watched the delivery a few times and am amazed that he took the wicket by tossing the ball up. That's just not the Cam White that everyone was expecting.
More thank you Cameron.
Sachin Tendulkar
On 49
15 runs shy of breaking Brian Lara's run-scorign record
Now, I have watched the delivery a few times and am amazed that he took the wicket by tossing the ball up. That's just not the Cam White that everyone was expecting.
More thank you Cameron.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
More cricket
* For those that are watching this game, I imagine you're getting as bored as we are at the continual replays of ZK holding the ball across the seam. Mark Nicholas is talking about it lke he's explaining how to tie a shoelace to a camel.
* And in a massive surprise, an Indian fieldsman has just given up a chase for a ball that trickled into the boundary. In an even bigger surprise, it was His Royal Highness Sauruv Ganguly. Now, India really only have themselves to blame for putting him on the boundary. I guess giving up boundaries is better than having him drop catches. And it also means the other fieldsmen don't have to talk to him. Or hear about his new investment oportunities.
* Brendan Julian really is a handsome man. I don't know what he's trying to sell me, but I want several
* It is a sad indictment on the state of this cricket match when the most exciting thing is watching the chocolate machine skill tester thingy tear the heart out of small children that are expecting a bounty of chocolates for their $2 investment. ONly to come up empty handed. It even sucked in MC Gregor who just lost 45 seconds of his life trying to get a mini Crunchie
* A replay has just been shown of Tendulkar's dismissal. The best part about it is Brazen's celebration. he had nothing to do with it but runs around jumping in the air like he's just kicked the winning goal in a soccer match. And he's not celebrating with anyone else - just himself
* Television seems to be intrigued with slow motion replays of Ricky Ponting leaving the ball. Love it.
* Rudi is getting sick of Bhaji's appeals now. He's actually enjoying giving them not out.
* Bhaji is bowling pretty well to B&B at the moment. I think it's a combination of B&B being really tentative and Bhaji appealing for everything - he was a little disgusted to find that the new "caught at leg slip off the pad" rule isn't yet in force at Test level
* Whatever happened to mix tapes? CD has destroyed this wonder of the 80's
* Wicket - The Chef has finally decided that he'd use his pads on a ball that was going to crash into the stumps. About time - at least something has happened
* It's like Australia have invested heavily on a draw. John the bookie is nowhere to be seen as yet
* boooooooooooring
* Oh look, Flea is there. He just prodded one off Bhaji through the hands of the little fella at short leg. The five foot Tasmanian with the flared trousers would no doubt have snaffled that chance
* 0-17 and ZK is getting some decent swing out there. Why then they have Bhaji on the other end instead of Sharma is a little bizarre. Apparently Katich has 5 off 30 - I can't recall him facing a ball. Perhaps I've just erased those occasions from my memory
* The Chef seems really intent on trying to belt the living Christ out of Bhaji's bowling. Alas, the continual picking out of Indian fieldsmen is proving a major deterrant to scoring runs
* The Aussie batsmen really have to start using their bat. The umpires are getting sick and tired of turning down ridiculous LBW appeals
* Bhaji is disgusted that he didn't get an LBW. The fact that it hit The Chef about a foot outside off stump was my reasoning for it not being given. Bhaji didn't want ot listen to my reasoning though
* Weird - Harbhajan is bowling the second over after lunch. maybe Krumble read that article where he said that he wants to bowl well in the second innings. What an amazing comment.
Qatar - who?
What a massive lead up to this game against one of Australia's traditional rivals.
I think we need to doff our cap to those behind Australian Soccer (ie the Hungarian cassanova, Les Murray). To think that Australia could handle a four week lead up for a soccer game between Australia and a small royal enclave on the Arabic Peninsular. But excited we are.
The game against Uzbekistan (hands up those who didn't need to google where that is) was an appetiser for what is to come.
Adelaide United's success against the pride of Tashkent has kept soccer's momentum up.
Here's a quick primer:
Qatar, nicknamed the Maroons (a little known tribute to Alfie Langer...who the Sultan is nuts about) have never played in the World Cup finals. They didn't get out of the group stages of the Asia Champs. They represent a country of 1.3 million, many of whom are stinking rich and thus wouldn't dare to ruin their pedicures by kicking a football. Featuring a number of popular Qatari names, such a Cesar, Passos and Sebastian, the side is ranked 81 in the world.
But hey, they're a step up on Samoa and Nauru.
So roll on Wednesday. Shame it's only on Fox.
ADDENDUM by Mix Master D
Only one half of The Balls actually thinks that soccer is a sport.
Australia's Second Innings
* 0/9 A last ball lBW appeal is treated with barely hidden disdain by the pudgey Seth Efriken.
What are our thoughts? (a) Shaka's beard is kinda cool, (b) Katich is hard to watch batting, (c) NZ will not become a maor export provider of curaitors, (d) Stu should link our blog, (e) AFL draft week is a waist of time, and (f) in the right light, Hillary Clinton looks a bit like McCain.
* And Queensland have picked up all the points. Wonder how many sides have won with an inning of 60-odd? WA and NSW is interesting. NSW about 100 ahead with 5 wickets in hand. I wonder if the WA batting line up can go on with their innings a bit better in the next dig.
* 0/8 Slowish start with a lot of variable bounce. The next session will need a bunch of runs or wickets for this to be of interest in the 5th day.
* Stu thinks Sharma would look ideal bowling in a Megadeth shirt. The Balls concurs.
* Flea is wearing a new style helmet - I have nothing more to add
* Sachin Tendulkar has "ST" on his white, floppy hat. Now, I don't know if that's because he is worried that Bhaji is going to steal it or if it's his new line of clothing.
* Hayden's made a run - praise the lord, hail the day, call a public holiday.
* And for the 19th time since this Test match started, the commentators have mentioned the 2001 Calcutta Test match. Apparently India won
* And in other news, Daniel Metropolis is the topic of conversation around the table at the moment - 5 goals with his first 5 kicks in the AFL.
* The Chef looks like a pig trying to play a harmonica at the moment. A close LBW shout not given and now it's Flea's turn to poke and prod his way around
* 1st ball - and The Chef has just thrown everything at the first ball. He missed - thankfully the Indians didn't appeal this time so he stays.
Indian tail continue on their merry way
* With the pitch starting to play some tricks, Flea and The Chef are going to have some testing times with the Adam's Apple and Shaka Khan moving the ball and using the variable bounce. Interesting times ahead.
* Fox have figured out that slow motion montages of cricketers playing cricket is much better than slow motion montages of Asad Raouf making decisions.
* Wicket - All out 360. Adam's Apple out bowled by Pup. At 6/195, India were looking in all sorts. Now they look likely to have saved the test. great batting by Shaka Khan and Harbhi. Bowling was a bit wayward. I believe Tuckerbox was India's 6th top scorer.
* The balls are fortunate enough to be joined by Stu (of footy wrap fame). We've just finished discussing how he has yet to link to our blog. Now we're discussing the grand final challenge system in 1913 which gave Fitzroy a premiership and St Kilda fans some additional heart break. Seriously, St Kilda fans...check out some other sides...it'll put years onto your life.
* 9/359 (71 behind) Watto seems to be in-ducking it a fair bit. He looks the more likely wicket taker. The ball now seems to be struggling to get over knee heigh. They'll be just over five sessions for two innings. This game is a draw unless (a) Australia collapses, or (b) they score at a decent enough clip to put India back in.
* The advantage of watching the cricket down at Eastlakes Footy Club is seeing blokes that are betting on the ponies running (well, hobbling) to the betting machine thingy to put their slips in - I don't know why but it amuses me.
* Bourbon & Beefsteak is bored. He's running around the field like a gay monkey throwing the ball to everyone - that's leadership
* 23 byes - Tuckerbox hang your head
* BTW this might be a chance to give a shout out the other lads at the Panthers First Grade side...big first up win yesterday lads.
* The folks in TV land are currently showing how it's been tough for Tuckerbox behind the stumps due to bad bounces etc. I say - you've got pads and gloves, stop your whingeing and pick up the ball. MC Gregor strongly disagrees with this assertion however. 'Keepers - I still don't get them
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An hour into Day 4 and the Aussies have only managed to get the one wicket - Apil Krumble lbw to The Milky Bar Kid.Zaheer Khan has made his 50 and the Australian bowlers seem to be determined to bowl as much crap on leg stump as possible.
Oh, and there's ice on the field. Apparently, this was worthy of a good 10 seconds of commentary and footage.
Gabriela Sabbatini has joined ZK and has just shown Punter up for deciding to have a maaaasive gap between keeper and slip - 4 runs through the gap.
The Milky Bar Kid is getting some good swing and the Big Fosters Can with the Akubra is on the field.
And we get treated to Mark Waugh's insights - apparently it's frustrating to not get tailenders out. Kudos Junior.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Interblog Warfare - Blacks v Wallabies in Hongkers
Moses, we both seem to like the rugger and a bet.
You're a Wallaby fan. I, MC Gregor, am an All Blacks fan.
Unfortunately the last Bledisloe is a dead-rubber...so let's make it interesting.
If Australia wins. I'll write a mea culpa, heartbroken, humble match report for your blog. It will be white hot with pain and regret. If the Blacks win, you can do the same on the Balls?
Shall we dance?
Random sport thoughts
* When did Uzbekistan become Australia's main soccer rival?
* AFL Trade week is a farce. Rhys Shaw is off to Sydney for a third round pick and some quince paste. Big whoop. I bet every Collingwood fan is happy to get rid off him...although Tony Shaw will crack it...which makes me smile.
* Todd Carney has said he's an idiot. Smart lad.
* Layne Beachley has retired. Surfing names just got less ironic.
* Julie Bishop is now a Director at the West Coast Eagles. You just know she's going to sleep with Lynchie...I hope he throws the glove off.
India are away
* And it is bucketing down. the players run like the overpaid, hair-gelled fiends they are...while the good, honest, hard working folk of the world (me) are left to watch Dallad re-runs and that friggin' underarm game AGAIN.
The science of covering the pitch is being turned on its head out there. There are 42 groundsman for each square metre. There are gaps between the covers and it seemed cruel to have 85-year old men having to run 150 metres dragging a ton of plastic out to the middle. but the younger generation are probably paying their pensions, so they can earn their keep.
0/68 - I'm glad there's no third man. he'd be exhausted by now. And here comes the rain. Watson bowled six balls and gave an anguished cry after each one. did he almost get a wicket? No. Did he bowl a good over? No. The man is an mystery, wrapped inside an injury.
* I'll give him this - Watson can give a brooding stare. He then bowled six balls in the exact same spot...unfortunately this is a left/right hand pair.
* Johnson v Sehwag really is a test of strength. Both just muscle the ball around. But Mitch plays for WA, so will win out.
Watson is on as B&B starts to look for a run out. Watto brings the princely bowling average of 61.5...what a player!
* India off to a very solid and fast start. Just what they need. Australia will look to build the pressure and make some things happen. Either way, this will be a terrible pitch on which to bat last. Mark Waugh wants White to have a bowl...I think his hair piece must be starting to take root.
* 0/55, what has B&B got against 3rd men...the Aussies always bleed runs there. Haddin just said he hadn't taken a catch despite some loud appealing. I suspect that was a dig at Sehwag. Unfortunately he has broken a team rule...look for Huss to keep the second dig. BTW - Clarke looks pissed...interesting. And here comes the massive Foster cans!
* Sehwag really smacks everything. He's like Ijaz Ahmed, who used to log chop everything through point. I'm tearing up.
* We're reflecting here on how good Brazen is. He can seem dull...but not to me. He hits the gaps, which creates different gaps. Then he say's 'fuck you very much' and puts the ball there. I swear, he was making Sehwag run just for shits and giggles. I'm being hosted by two Tasmanians who suggest he may have Tassie blood. Maybe, but only on his knuckles.
* 0-41 - several tight overs, which was what was needed. This pitch is really starting to keep low. Bet Australia wished they'd gone with a spin bowler.
* 0/36 - A Bollywood slow ball goes past at ankle height...which is weird because Sehwag was jumping to fend down a bouncer. Goes just down leg. Sehwag looks a little sheepish. Bollywood is starting to go red...that always makes me smile.
* 0/25 There are some tight singles being taken...and each time the batsman starts with a hesitation. Gambhir also has an adorable habit of playing a defence shot and trying to look for a run without actually knowing where the ball is (usually its right near his feet). Cute. His Seanness is out...I blame the CIA.
* 0/17 Sehwag tries to run himself out. Then 9-irons one back over the bowlers head. Sehwag is trying to usurp Inzi as the world's worst runner!
* NSW all out for 177 (top score Bracken with 60-0dd batting 10!). His Seanness leading the WA riposte.
0/10 Sehwag plays a magnificent cover drive for four. Then shows the footwork of a camel off the next ball. Clarke is zeroing in as the next one almost bowls him off the edge.
Australia - First Innings
Slow but steady.
Bowling: Spinners only got one wicket from 80-odd overs. Indian quicks looked good, but helped by an ordinary pitch.
Batting: B&B, Brazen and Flea all judged the conditions well. They nudged the good bals and hit the bad. it was exactly what was required. Tuckerbox is starting to look a little more like a test batsman...but Ronchi is lurking. Hayden was unlucky, but that's how it goes. White was not unlucky. Lee did a job.
Fielding: Very Indian. Peter Roebuck said they'd done ok...that says a bit about how loose Roebuck is.
Who is front: Australia, but draw isn't far behind. Hard to see India win without a very good start.
Session 3 - massive
* All out 430. Brazen drags it on and goes for 146. Middle stump flew. India really is good for having stumps fly. Good soil. Not too much clay, not too much sand. Good fly.
Moses, sorry mate. You're not having a good run.
* Wicket! Mitchell cleverly decides to reserve his energy and get bowled. Clever.
Moses' bet on Australia get 450 is looking shaky. 21 to get, be here comes the Contractor!
* 429-8, Mitchell almost gets of the mark with a 5. Through Dhoni's legs (I will resist giving him a spray) and Dravid deflects it to within an inch of the helmet laying behind dhoni. then brazen reverse sweeps for four (over the top of first slip!)
* WA's own Mitchell Johnson saunters to the crease. He faces the likes of Maggofin, Innes and Heal on a daily basis in the nets...this should be a cakewalk. Huss lathers one to deep square. Harbhi dives and makes a very good save.
* Wicket 421-8, ball keeps low and comes in, taking out Bollywood's off stump. I am putting up my hand for mocker of the year.
* 421-7 Brazen is calling for ones before he actually hits it. Be afraid India...be very afraid.
Bollywood Charm
Ok, here's a quick thought. I want to not like Brett Lee. He's a bowler. He good looking. He's from NSW.
But I really, really rate him. Why? Has there been a player who tries as hard for his country in recent years.
I think of him getting smashed on the body time and time again in 2005, and how his batting stood up even when his bowling was falling away.
He took his dropping during the last Indian tour like a man. Busted his arse and got back in.
He's just had a pretty horrible thing go down in his life. He stood up and is being counted.
On the other hand, he acts in Bollywood films and is a singer. These contrasts torment me.
Day 2 - first 2 sessions
I'm Lance Armstronging today (a lonely ball) today, so lets put down a quick summary.
Australia has moved to 7/416. Brazen 135* and Lee 26*.
To magnificent tons were brought up...Brazen's and Apil Krumble. Brazen is amongst the runs like a coprophiliac at a loose stoolfest. He is going slowly, as is the Australian innings. I think its the way to bat. There are ten sessions left in this test, and India are primed for one of their first test collapses for which they are famous.
Watson was no good. His technique wasn't enough to save his pegs. His average was the second worst in the test team (prior to White coming and going).
Kumble 0/117 from 41 overs. But hey, he's bowled two maidens. Actually, apart from his stupid 'only one side playing cricket' comment, I've always like Apil.
Tuckerbox looked good after a slow start, before getting out to a poor shot of a slower, slower ball. But he can take comfort that Cam White then came out and fell to the EXACT...SAME...BALL.
Meanwhile Brazen inside edged to 100 (he has a habit of getting his tons from risky shots). And the newly-single Brett Lee came out to bat.
Synopsis - is a big word. Australia are well in front. There are criticisms of their pace, but anyone who has played on a variable pitch knows how hard it is to score quick. i think a late declaration could set up the game tonight.
But the big news - ABC radio isn't using Kerry O'keefe (he of the laugh) and Harsha Bogle (who really works best with Kerry anyway.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Shane Watson is better than Matthew Hayden
Unfortunately he is only 2 runs better than Matthew Hayden
And only in this innings
And only in this innings
Australian cricketers nicknames
OK, we probably should've put this up before the First Test, but we didn't. Whatever.
It's important for an Australian cricketer to have a nickname which is not just a halving of the surname and adding of a vowel - Marto, Watto, Haddo, Katto, Johnno etc
So, we're going to provide The Balls nicknames for Australian cricketers. Some easy to follow, others not so much
Matthew Hayden - The Chef
(Has put out more cookbooks than Steve Waugh has tour diaries)
Simon Katich - Flea
(Katich = Cat Itch = Flea)
Ricky Ponting - The Bourbon & Beefsteak
(We'll never forget a young Ricky sporting a black eye courtesy of an altercation in a Bourbon and Beefsteak in Kings Cross)
Michael Clarke - The Bingle Bungle
(Lara - she seems like such a sweet girl. I, personally, blame Fev)
Michael Hussey - Brazen
(Self explanatory, Brazen Hussey. His brother David is Shameless)
Shane Watson - The Milky Bar Kid
(Needs to drink a lot of milk to build up strength in his bones to stop constantly breaking)
Brad Haddin - Tuckerbox
(Grew up in Gundagai, near where the dog sits on said tuckerbox)
Cameron White - Saviour Of The World
(Self explanatory, he's the greatest guy ever)
Brett Lee - Bollywood Charm
(self explanatory)
Mitchel Johnson - Work Experience Kid
(Comes along, looks young and fresh faced, tries to do the things that everyone else does but fails)
Stuart Clark - The Consultant
(Came into an established line up to replace a retiring stalwart who was taking all the corporate knowledge and nobody else in the team had the right skills)
Ponies
So, watching the GG's (no, not that outspoken old woman, the equine variety) recently, I thoguht it would be a good idea to get some early bets on for the big races this Spring to take advantage of the juicy odds on offer.
Firstly, a few weeks ago I had money on Samantha Miss for the Cox Plate @ $21. Since then, she's gone from strength to strength and I'm looking for a nice collect in a few weeks time. Currently, she's third favourite at $6 behind Weekend Hustler and Princess Coup.
For the Melbourne Cup, I was impressed with Zipping's run the other day and so plonked some coin on him at $19. Suspect he'll come in to about $5 on the day.
Caulfield Cup - I really want to get on big Mal but Littorio is making me second guess. Maldivian should run the journey and be able to hold of Master O'Reilly, but with Weekend Hussler and Littorio in the field I just don't know. Will probably sling a few bob his way though cos the $19 on offer is too good to pass up. Will also have a dabble n Pompeii Ruler at $15
As for this weekend - we'll see how these go. If they come good, I'll keep on tippig. If not - I'll happily hang up my punting hat for the Spring!:
Yalumba Stakes (Caulfield R5) - Pompeii Ruler, Casual Pass, Largo Lad for the trifecta
Toorak Handicap (Caulfield R6) - Orange County from Bon Hoffa and The Fuzz
Caulfield Guineas (Caulfield R7) - Lord Tavistock to upset the favourites with Von Costa de Hero pushing hard for a place
Wrapping It Up
Well, a wicket to ZK in the first and last over of the day really helped INdia to pull back to almost level pegging with Punter's glorious 123 setting the foundation for Australia's total of 4/245.
Ishant Sharma's hair is struggling with the humidity and is nowhere near as straight and shiny as it was in Australia.
The Australians that wore helmets all wore the old school ones - perhaps cos the peak is longer and it will keep the sun out of their eyes when the spinners toss the ball up?
Kumble bowled rubbish.
Indian fielding is still, on the whole, shithouse. There was one fella that seemed to be excited and throwing himself around. We can only imagine that he's the new opener that will play 2 Tests and then disappear into obscurity like the previous 12 opening batsmen.
Final stretch
* And in a tragedy of technology, the laptop battery died with 3 overs to go. So, wat did we miss? The new ball being taken and ZK bowling a ripper of an in-swinger to Bingle that kept low and hit him in front of middle. Slow death came and stumps followed with Australia on 4/245 - honours slightly with Australia, but a lot resting on the shoulders of Watson, Haddin and White. to post a 450 plus total
* 3/245 and it is good to know that the Indian ball boys have learnt not to stand right at the boundary with their head down waiting of rhte ball to come to them only to see it hit the rope and almost knock their teeth out. Well done.
*Anil Kumble has just bowled probablt the worst over of the day. Three half trackers that got hit to the boundary combined with one where he seemed to try to hide behind the umpire before bursting out and surprising Clarke. Unfortunately, this was one of the half trackers.
* By the way, for other comments on this Test match go to both Fly Slip and Cricket With Balls
* With 15 minutes left, Brazen and Bingle are looking to stumps. I reckon the new ball has to make an appearance for a few overs here - a few balls into the rib cages.
* India have the new ball due but are continuing with the old one with Bhaji throwing them down and getting belted by Brazen. Firstly into sill mid off and then to the boundary - where surprisingly a good piece of fielding stopped the 4 - wonders will never cease.
* They've just shown the replay from a different angle and maybe Punter was a bit unlucky. Hit him in front of off with Bhaji bowling from wide of the crease. Suggestions of the ball missing leg. But that's the way the cookie crumbles - and the pitch it seems. Perhaps we should threaten to go home and end RUUUUUDI's career
* And Mick Bingle comes in for a testing period before stumps - new bal due soon and Bhaji is bowling OK.
* Wicket - And it just comes back on in time to see Harbhajan get Punter LBW for 123. Trying to sweep, the ball pitched outside off, turned in, snuck under the bat and hit him probably in front of middle, going on to take middle and leg.
*And in tragic scenes, the footage has disappeared
* And in true Viru fashion, he's just pushed one past the outside edge of the Brazen bat with plenty of turn.
* 2/222 - the Ritchie wet dream. Big ups to billy birmingham. and to prove that the cricket commentators have a direct line to kumble...on comes Sehwag. He needs a wicket or two to make up for firing up Punter. He looks very spiritual with that shaved head. I suspect Punter will want to hit him to Chennai.
* bangladesh look like winning by 8 wickets. This is a good day for cricket (particularly because the Bangles' batting AND bowling went well). Go you little Banglis!
* We're all debating hawkeye here at Eastlake. The consensus is that it is poor at predicting the flight of the ball, which is subject to many more variables than tennis.
BTW Punter also has an old helmet. "A nod to the vintage years" opines our colleague, Dockerman 1977.
* 2-216, LBW appeal. not out, but close. and Kumble (remember him, the guy who complained about over appealing) goes coco-bananas. Rudi gives him the teapot look. Naughty!
* 2/215 - 49 run partnership. surprisingly brazen has 26 of them. And now we play the game where commentators start to suggest randoms to bowl. sehwag?
bloated balls
We would like to remind people of the tassie quota in the context of krezjy eyes being looked over.
Oh, and this as well (in the context of the bangles smashing NZ).
Humbly yours.
The Final Session
* Huss glances beautifully for 4 of harbhi. He really isn't bowling well. Huss has snuck along to be around 27. Mix master d has just predicted White will get 17 wickets for the tour. MC Gregor thinks he'll get 17 runs. And that's drinks - here's the casanova of the retirement homes!
* 2/207, Controversial! Punter puts on back down the pitch to Kumble, who is the only one to appeal for the c&b. batsmen and umpires treat it with disdain...except replays suggest it was out. Karma is repaying India for Haytre's dismissal.
* 2/200 - And in the main course, Australia has just bought up 200 with a beautiful Brazen nudge to third man. Don't think the old school helmet has nothing to do with this.
* 2/131 - Bangladesh is getting close to causing a boilover.
* The crowd is getting a little bored - they're getting a Mexican Wave going. I look forward to them chanting "Punter's a wanker" closely followed by "Hey Sachin, give us a wave". If they come out with "Indi, Indi, Indi - Oi, Oi, Oi" I will personally go over there and shove each of their heads up their collective arses
* They've just put up the scorecard and Cam White is named at number 8. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he will be the greatest batsmen in the history of everything to ever bat at number 8 for Australia. Ever. (MC Gregor strongly disagrees)
* Mark Nicholas is a genius. He's just said that India will be in a better position if they take 3, 4 or 5 wickets before the end of the day. Where's that Cricket 101 book
* Oh yeah - Kumble. He's the current captain. Hell, the other team members must be just waiting their turn to be captain.
* MC Gregor makes a good point - the Indian team has the most captains in it ever, surely. Dravid, Ganguly, Tendulkar, Dhoni and maybe Sehwag have captained. Now, this would be OK if they were sicceeding each other - they're not, they're all in the same side. The fielders are so confused as to who to listen to.
* Rahul Dravid has just had his batting stats put up on screen. He has reached 50 a very impressive 77 times. Alas, he's only converted 25 of these into centuries. This is not the sign of a captain that inspires his team
* 2-184 Ponting averages 63.5 as captain. HFS!
* Every now and then a massive bird flies in front of the camera. Quite offputting.
* 2-183, Dhoni fumbles one and hurts his hand. Lucky he can bat.
* The Bangles 2/97 from 27 overs chasing NZ's 201. Siddique edging towards 50.
* dropped - Dhoni puts down a little brzaen edge from kumble. MC Gregor looks smug. Mix Master D sighs wistfully.
* 2-176, Punter has brought up his ton at around 50 runs/100 balls. Interestingly, he's scored 36 at around run-a-ball from Harbhi.
*2-175 (Ponting 102, Brazen 1) - that ton meant a lot to him. he's angry happy - Sehwag will be trying to hide behind his chubby cheeks. Tragically, the rest of his chubby body won't get let him.
* And with a gentle push through the off side, making fat boy Sachin run all the way to th boundary as the ball pulled up centimetres short, Punter has made his first century in India 36th overall (with 40 50s)!
* The trivia has just had a musical question. Who sang "Rhinestone Cowboy". The Balls initially chuckled at Kevin Bloody Wilson's version - "A well hung ploughboy" - before quibbling over whether Greg Campbell could've had a successful singing career after his all too brief career as an Australian cricketer.
The ICCFL
For all those fans of The Balls that are fans of either AFL or cricket and want to get a gauge on what the equivalent team is in the opposing sport - The Balls present the following comparisons to help you choose a side to follow that best reflects your cricket/football leanings:
Pakistan & Fremantle - exciting and everyone deep down loves watching them play. They could be glorious, they could crash and burn. But you are guaranteed of entertainment. Plus both have been forced to wear one of the worst outfits in the history of their respective sorts (Pakistan's 1999 World Cup outfit and Freo's foundation jumper).
West Indies & Hawthorn - ridiculously dominant in the 80s and strong in the late 70s and early 90s, but terrible since. However, both are starting to hit their straps and have promising futures after great years! (Mix Master D is currently running around the room with no pants screaming out BUDDY LOVE at the top of his voice - in case you haven't figured out by now, he's a Hawthorn fan)
Bangladesh & Melbourne - you want them to do well, but you just can't see it happening. Their success is good for the game, but tragically, they are shite.
South Africa & Port Adelaide - both sides were initially banned from the competition. Both sides are widely despised. Both sides feature crowds which make their own players cringe. And both sides are hated by the Balls. You know it makes sense.
England & Western Bulldogs - both sides are heavy on players not from their own borders. Plus apart from the odd year here and there, but haven't done anything of note since the 1960s. Plus they feature abysmal hair and characters whom people love but were recently jettisoned (think Hoggard and Chris Grant).
Australia & Carlton - very successful but run by corporate jokers with shady backgrounds. The players are traditionally hard to love, but the new generations seems ready to be irrepressible (possibly after a few hairy years).
New Zealand & St Kilda - two words: Constant, regular heartbreak. I know it's three, but that's how much they hurt you.
Kenya & Subiaco - people love watching them play, but secretly know they're not good enough for the big league.
Zimbabwe & Fitzroy - were there for a while and feature many of the game's greats. But they fell apart and were terrible on the field. Are now gone...possibly never to return.
Canada/US & University - both were there at the start...but alas, no more.
And with apologies to our good friend Damith, we present a late installment:
Sri Lanka & Sydney Swans - Both struggled in their early years before being one of the more exciting teams going around (Kaluwitherana and Capper have a lot in common). They both had blokes you love to hate (Ranatunga and, once again, Capper) and have tasted success and in recent years, including the pinnacle at one stage (World Cup and Grand FInal)
The First Test - Bella (the mole) has started
* And it's tea in Bangalore. Australia is 2/166 with Punter on 94* and Brazen yet to get off the mark. As an aside, Franz Ferdinand don't really work with a slow motion montage of Asad Raouf making decisions
* Speaking of Bangladesh v NZ, let's take a look at the progress. After struggling to 6/79 thanks to 3 wickets from Mashrafe Mortaza, Jacob Oram and the best finger spinner in world cricket put on 70 runs in 20 overs to help guide the Black Caps to 9/201. The Balls own Jessie Ryder contributing a glorious 34 off 35 at the top of the order. In reply, the Bangladeshi's have made steady progress to be 1/67 after 19 overs. MC Gregor is torn between the love for his country of birth and his wish for Bangladesh to be successful at international level. Mix Master D merely wants Bangladesh to win to see MC Greogr shed a tear
* The curator is sitting on the boundary looking sheepish. This is either due to the state of the pitch, or the state of NZ cricket in their latest blockbuster against Bangladesh
* Ishant Sharma continues to look at his image on the scoreboard after every delivery as he tries to figure out exactly what Gabriella Sabatini is doing at Bangalore
* 2-166 as the man with the worst nickname ever (Mr Cricket, please) has joined the captain. With Punter only 6 runs from the ton, look for Brazen to turn over the strike initially before settling in to his innings.
Live Test Blogging - the second installation
* WICKET And Flea has just edged Ishant Sharma to MS Dhoni to end a very good innings. Just moved it off the seam slightly and the Flea didn't quite get across far enough. Edge taken by Dhoni who MC Gregor referred to as a rubbish keeper. I (Mix Master D) refer to him as dreamy.
* It should be noted that The Balls don't just refer to Allan Border as AB in an Aussie "let's give everyone a nickname" type of way. We've been intimate with the great man. Well, Mix Master D has. MC Gregor merely took the piss out of him in front of 100 people as MC at a wedding. Over and over and over again. AB sat quietly at his table and mumbled something to his wife about captaining Australia and little shits. We couldn't make out the rest
* A friend of The Balls, The Collector, has just reminded us that should Punter salute here that would take his number of centuries scored to 36 - level with Gavaskar. And in 5 innings less no less. The Collector knows all the stats
* Punter has moved into the 90's. Some call them the nervous nineties. Those people watched Steve Waugh bat too much. MC Gregor's comment about not pissing Punter off is seeming to ring true
* Actually, the commentators have agreed that it is an advantage for the team batting first to post a large total - I'm going to go back and read Cricket 101 to try and get my head around this
* there's Roy!!! sure it's as car ad, but he's still part of the game. AB has just suggested that it's an advantage to bat first in India. Shocking revelation. More to come!
* 1-153 (Ponting 82, Flea 59) - pitch is holding up. Watinjury's slower ball may come into its own.
* 1-152 BTW - I imagine everyone is well aware that the Tassie Quota has not been breached. Iron...clad...rule!
* as if to prove a point, Punter smashes a four right at the fosters oversized can. this tassie lad is betraying Boags.
* 1-145 as Punter plays one of the most intelligent shots we've seen today. A seeming inside edge that flew past the stumps and down ot the boundary for 4. Upon closer inspection, the ball clattered into a Fosters Lager sign on the boundary - Punter merely making sure his personal sponsors get greater exposure. Genius Ricky. Genius.
* The pitch is already showing variable bounce. note to ICC - don't use NZ curators in India. don't even use them in NZ.
* OK, I take it back. it isn't some mole. It's Bella...the mole. And it seems as though we've finally managed to get sound for the cricket - just as Bella...the mole...has launched into a tirade of abuse on a poor defenceless microphone.
* Is it a triple blow if we didn't win the meat tray in the re-draw? Or is it a nightmarish re-occurence of the double blow. Either way - some random minger won.
* In a double blow for the Balls, the meat raffle has escaped our carnivorous clutches! oooh, redraw! This hasn't happened since the great meat raffle at the Bunbury Bowls Club on that lazy summer's day in 1985!
*1-129 Blowout by a length. point me home is dead last and considering a change in career...perhaps glue would best suit.
* 1-127. The Balls have had to relocate themselves due to some mole setting up for a trivia night. We now have the cricket accompanied by the call of the 6th at Northam (Come on Point Me Home, LIIIFT). When will this country stop with it's annoying thirst for knowledge?!
* And now he has just nudged one past both short cover fieldsmen for a single. GENIUS field placement. Give us a third, Anil
* And in an intriguing piece of field placement, Bhaji is bowling to 2 short covers. Flea didn't really mind as he just quilted a cover drive straight past both of them to the boundary to pick up his 50
* And whilst the lads are having a watered down lemon cordial let's take a moment to talk about Simon "Flea" Katich. Apart form one delivery he's looked completely in control. He's the perfect foil for the likes of Hayden, Ponting, Clarke, Hussey, Wattooooooo and the Saviour Of The World as he nudges and nurdles as only Chris Harris before him has done. He's currently on about 40 and just looks like accumulating runs and frustrating the Indian bowlers. I've just been informed he's on 49 - I like maths
* As Foxtel take us away from the pain of listening to Mark Nicholas to some random studio in Sydney, The Balls can't help but think that Mark Waugh is still shagging a 60 year old. And the bloke sitting next to him is wary of Mark mistaking him for said 60 year old
AFL Trade Week goes mental on Day 4
Hold the phones. Lock Up You Daughters. Tell Mum you're going to be home late. There's been a trade.
That's right, after 3 and a half days of speed dating type nervous introductions and offering of small talk, Richmond have finally broken through and been the first to get a number. I mean, make a trade,
Terry Wallace, in his never ending quest to prove that he actually can coach a team, has traded away pick 42 for the gun, the great man, the one and only Adam Thomson from Port Adelaide.
Now, there may or may not be any truth to the rumour that the club took away Richmond's first 2 draft picks from Tanned Terry for fear of him swapping them for 3 magic beans, Zac Dawson and a jar of Shane Crawford's sweat.
Either way - this is yet another moment in Tanned Terry's career of let's pick up another midfielder and try and win a game of football by running under the legs of the opponents.
We're here
* And now Flea has gotten in on the act using his feet to dispatch Kumble (who is bowling a mix of rubbish and tripe at the moment) to the boundary. Sorry - the commentators are saying Kumble's "not been as steady as in previous tours". I prefer my description
* 1-104 - punter has decided to start dancing. smashes harbhi to the mid-wicket boundary. and now he has tried to kill silly mid-off from a kumble long hop. mix master d had a giggle at that one.
* Matthew Hayden is sitting in the change rooms cursing that he's not at Eastlakes football club as the old fella comes around with the meat tray raffle tickets. I'll have 2 thanks
* Interestingly, there seems to be a fair bit of turn on Day 1. Especially when our Kiwi friend was telling us he'd prepared a seamer. Cam White to threaten Jim Laker's record (i, mc gregor, do not endorse this comment).
* Harbhajan has just been bought on, obviously to try to cash in on his dominance over Punter. Although screaming out "CATCH" as Punter gently dropped the first delivery to his feet is a touch ambitious
* 1-97 - We haven't seen mongia around for a while...we think Tendulkar may have eaten him.
* oh no. Cover the bells. dress in black. Bingle and Pup have split. i realise this may be controversial, but after lee and pup's breakup, I think it needs to be said. Women are the root of all evil.
* 1-94 Just to go back a little. Punter has played two great shots in the last few overs. one a strong glance that showed sublime footwork. Then his cover drive (with a square bat) to bring up his 50 was magnificent.
We're here
And we've just seen Katich get a life and the Indian-Australian next to us go mental.
Hit in front by Kumble - Asad Raouf says no, MC Gregor said no, Mix Master D said yes. Replays show that I (Mix Master D) knows all
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
We're going to the pub
Because Australian radio is determined to make us miss out on any sort of live description of the First test match between India and Australia, The Balls are going to the pub.
Whilst tucking into a tasty chicken parma and a cheeky lager, The Balls will be watching the game and providing some live comments on what is happening and how good Watto and Cam White are looking in the dressing room.
Australian selectors see sense - White and Watson in the Test side
My 2 favourite payers, Cameron White and Shane Watson, are playing in the Australian Test side.
Excuse me while I go have a private moment with myself
Domestic bliss
Cricket is back baby!
WA is taking on the silvertails of NSW, and the world is aligned. Currently, WA is even doing their good old trick, where their ordinary bowling attacks performs brilliantly, while their superb batting plummets.
Right at this moment, WA has NSW firmly by the short-hairs, needing only 80 odd runs with 4 big, big wickets in hand. Such is the genius of sandgroper cricket.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
HEAD TO HEAD - Jason Krejza v Cameron White
Well, after The Balls persuaded the selectors to do away with McGain it is only fair that we compare Krezjy Eyes with the new next in line - Cameron "The Greatest Man In The History Of Everything" White.
MC Gregor - Ok, this is the debate that neither of The Balls wanted...yet here we are. Let me begin. My left nut has more spinning talent than Cameron White will ever have. He looks like a fat Paul Collingwood, and his very presence in the team is an insult to every Australian citizen - current, present and future.
Mix Master D - And yet he offers more than your man Krejzy eyes. He has international experience, has been captain of a successful domestic side for about 15 years and most importantly, provides Australia with a genuine first slipper.
MC Gregor - His international experience makes me wince. He won't be captaining this side and I suspect Matt the Bat the Run Machine will probably have a few quiet words to you about his position in the slips.Krezy offers...well...umm...to be honest, not much more. So why the hell didn't they go with Beau...or Aaron...or Jrod?
Mix Master D - Matt the Bat the Run Machine can take his two hats and head to gully thanks very much. Look, when you're playing in the sub-continent you'd surely go with a bowler that has similarities to Anil Kumble. I mean we've gone there with the greatest bowler of all time and he struggled (both with the local cuisine and the pitches) so surely there needs to be a change of tactic here. Cam White's bouncy top spinners combined with subtle turn make him the complete opposite of SK Warne. And to use your argument from the Krejzy Eyes v Nice Bryce argument - Cam can bat. And judging by the recent tour match it looks like we'll need to bat as low as possible to post a 300 plus score.
MC Gregor - Huss would take point with being moved from Gully. Good point on the top spinners...except that White can't even do them. He can bat...but if we're picking an ordinary bowler who can bat a bit, why not go with Watto at 7 and put in another batsman. I am in a web of despair. Day is night. To live is to to die. I embrace the end.
Mix Master D – The fact that you're not even mentioning your boys name in your argument suggests that even you - Australia's number 1 Krejzy Eyes fan - is wavering after his dismal effort in the tour match. And Huss can take Symmo's position in the field as funster and Mick Bingle's joking partner. Cam White is the best spin bowler in the Australian squad and provides something which no other Australian spin bowler provides - bounce and subtle (very, very subtle) variation. This is exactly what is needed on dusty turning pitches and the Australian selectors will be rewarded greatly if they pick Cam.
MC Gregor - I believe Krezjy Eyes is his own best fan. The debate is moot. I believe the sight of White in a Baggy Green is a sign that Armageddon is upon us.
Mix Master D - Cameron White would play a good AJ Frost
MC Gregor - Ok, this is the debate that neither of The Balls wanted...yet here we are. Let me begin. My left nut has more spinning talent than Cameron White will ever have. He looks like a fat Paul Collingwood, and his very presence in the team is an insult to every Australian citizen - current, present and future.
Mix Master D - And yet he offers more than your man Krejzy eyes. He has international experience, has been captain of a successful domestic side for about 15 years and most importantly, provides Australia with a genuine first slipper.
MC Gregor - His international experience makes me wince. He won't be captaining this side and I suspect Matt the Bat the Run Machine will probably have a few quiet words to you about his position in the slips.Krezy offers...well...umm...to be honest, not much more. So why the hell didn't they go with Beau...or Aaron...or Jrod?
Mix Master D - Matt the Bat the Run Machine can take his two hats and head to gully thanks very much. Look, when you're playing in the sub-continent you'd surely go with a bowler that has similarities to Anil Kumble. I mean we've gone there with the greatest bowler of all time and he struggled (both with the local cuisine and the pitches) so surely there needs to be a change of tactic here. Cam White's bouncy top spinners combined with subtle turn make him the complete opposite of SK Warne. And to use your argument from the Krejzy Eyes v Nice Bryce argument - Cam can bat. And judging by the recent tour match it looks like we'll need to bat as low as possible to post a 300 plus score.
MC Gregor - Huss would take point with being moved from Gully. Good point on the top spinners...except that White can't even do them. He can bat...but if we're picking an ordinary bowler who can bat a bit, why not go with Watto at 7 and put in another batsman. I am in a web of despair. Day is night. To live is to to die. I embrace the end.
Mix Master D – The fact that you're not even mentioning your boys name in your argument suggests that even you - Australia's number 1 Krejzy Eyes fan - is wavering after his dismal effort in the tour match. And Huss can take Symmo's position in the field as funster and Mick Bingle's joking partner. Cam White is the best spin bowler in the Australian squad and provides something which no other Australian spin bowler provides - bounce and subtle (very, very subtle) variation. This is exactly what is needed on dusty turning pitches and the Australian selectors will be rewarded greatly if they pick Cam.
MC Gregor - I believe Krezjy Eyes is his own best fan. The debate is moot. I believe the sight of White in a Baggy Green is a sign that Armageddon is upon us.
Mix Master D - Cameron White would play a good AJ Frost
Monday, October 6, 2008
Let's take a moment
Perusing the list of State squads this evening I was reminded of a harsh reality.
Mad Mick Lewis is no longer going to be running around for Victoria.
Much like Stewart Dew gives hope to overweight 28 year olds still searching for an AFL career, Mad Mick gave hope to hundreds of bogans playing pub grade mats and hoping for a scout to spot them and thrust them into the Victorian squad.
Blinky - you'll be missed.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Cameron White - The Saviour Of The World
The Australian selectors have come to their senses. Bryce has been sent home for a bex and a good lie down and been replaced with the greatest leg spinning all rounder that Australia has ever produced. Cameron White has put his successful modelling career on hold and responded to an SOS from the Australian selectors to head over to India.
Cameron had to finish off some volunteer work at an orphanage in Cambodia before boarding a flight over. And upon his arrival, he watched Jason Rubbish pick up 0/190-odd off 31 overs in a tour match whilst turning some ice water into a gin and tonic with a twist of lime.
Cameron White must be firming for a First Test spot with Shane Watson always a chance to injure himself whilst going for his morning walk and Jason Rubbish living up to his name.
Come on selectors - Cameron White once saved 17 orphans from a burning building. He can now save the Australian cricket team.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Bubble Boy
Surprising no-one in either the sporting or medical worlds, Shane Watson has been withdrawn from Boards XI tour game with a medical ailment.
Initial signs suggest it could be either shingles or gout, but the Balls suspect he may have actually developed a severe allergic reaction to representing his country.
We look forward to his recovering, prior to breaking down with a combination of Equine Influenza and dandruff prior to the second test.
P.S. In Jrod and Damith's honour, we are declaring today a day of mourning for Bryce, and are offering a $10,000 reward for anyone who can bring his shoulder to justice.
Please note, this reward will in no way be paid.
Initial signs suggest it could be either shingles or gout, but the Balls suspect he may have actually developed a severe allergic reaction to representing his country.
We look forward to his recovering, prior to breaking down with a combination of Equine Influenza and dandruff prior to the second test.
P.S. In Jrod and Damith's honour, we are declaring today a day of mourning for Bryce, and are offering a $10,000 reward for anyone who can bring his shoulder to justice.
Please note, this reward will in no way be paid.
The selectors agree with MC Gregor
Well, it seems as though MC Gregor's power of persuasion is greater than mine.
Cricket Australia has released a statement that Bryce McGain has "injured" himself and will be unavailable for the tour. We all know the score - they were afraid that at his age he'd die in the heat.
Dean Jones almost did you know. He scored 216. Almost died. True story - surprised you haven't heard it. From Dean.
Cricket Australia has released a statement that Bryce McGain has "injured" himself and will be unavailable for the tour. We all know the score - they were afraid that at his age he'd die in the heat.
Dean Jones almost did you know. He scored 216. Almost died. True story - surprised you haven't heard it. From Dean.
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