1. Great Gingers of Sport

For too long, sport in Australia has been dogged by prominent rusty crutches. This is the first in a series of investigative exposes into prominent Australian sporting rangas and their effect on those day-walkers around them. Some will say that these posts are prejudiced. I call those people naive.







Name: Matthew Bate

Club/Sport: Melbourne Football Club / AFL

Red Head Rating (RHR): 9 - Matthew is almost a pure red head. Even on an overcast MCG day, you can literally see smoke rising from his oh so lilly-white skin. I have delibverately avoided watching Melbourne play day games because, well they're shite, but also I can't stand the thought of him bursting into flames in the middle of the MCG while he chases the shade of the GreatSouthern Stand.

Playing characteristics: Matthew usually lurks in the shadow of those ruckmen around him. Begrudgingly I will admit he is a courageous player, but he has nothing to lose. He cannot die.

Unluckiness Factor: (Note - Unluckiness Factor is to test the theory that Gingers are bad luck to all those around them) - High. Melbourne are shite. They look like being shite for the forseeable future. I lay the blame soley at Matthew's feet, although Stephen O'Dwyer has to carry some of the blame...and you just know the Jimmy Styne's collars don't match his cuffs.

Comment: Matthew is almost your stereotypical ranga. He is bad luck, casts little to no shadow and would appear to have no soul (perhaps a fair description of his club). He is the most prominent fanta pants in the AFL, with the possible exception of Cameron Ling, and I can personally attest that people snicker at him whenever he gets near the ball.

Summary: Burn him at the stake after stuffing his mouth with garlic and piercing his heart with a silver infused wooden stake.