Yes, Mother

This goes out to MC Gregor's mum...



My mum is a hardworking lady. She brought me up to be respectful and have good manners. She keeps a very neat house and is one of the smartest people I know. She also has the capacity to scare the crap out of me and all my friends. All of these are good characteristics.

However, my mum is also a Collingwood fan. And for that reason, she has been destined to live in an old persons house ever since I worked out that there was a prospect she may try to live with me in her Autumn years.

This may seem harsh. But let me explain. I am a West Coast fan. West Coast has drawn twice with Collingwood in finals. We lost one in a replay, and the other in extra time. I still remember my mums cackle when Sumich hit the post in 1990. Her deep throated bellows a week later as Tony Francis dragged the ball out of the centre and pumped it up towards the forward line (occasionally Collingwood's). Her evil taunting as Collingwood won. I remember it well, because it was relived in 2007 as I sat in an airport hotel watching in horror as we lost the unloseable final...and my phone rang with the word "Mum" on the screen.

I also remember how she'd tell me the results of Eagles v Collingwood games which I had taped to watch later (an offense which should be punishable by death).

I don't blame my mum. She's a Collingwood fan...and they're all inherently arseholish.

And for that reason I say this: Thank you St Kilda. Thank you for finally standing up in a game that mattered. I was surprised, and you'll get flogged next week. But thank you nonetheless.

Unfortunately, my dad is a Fitzroy fan who has converted to the Dockers. Seriously!